tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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