i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The air taste purple.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize