The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
