Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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