I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
