If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
