There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
