i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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