So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
