??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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