I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
