just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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