so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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