So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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