It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
