Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
