honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
