my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
