he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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