Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
