my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
