I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
