ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
