You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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