Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
