Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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