i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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