you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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