i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
