Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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