i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
