he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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