Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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