Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
