i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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