Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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