The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
