He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
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Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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