Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
