You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
