love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
