Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
