She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
