did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
