Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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