I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize