So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
