you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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