Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
