He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
