I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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