Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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