btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
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Slut skills are useful in every country.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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