it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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