whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
