we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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