ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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