Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
