Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
