He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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