drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
