We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
