I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he fucked my hip out of place.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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