therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
