I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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