So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
