I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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