Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
